Love & Libido—Rituals and Recipes for Valentine’s Day
Look. I get it. When you’re single, Valentine’s Day can feel like a sucky reminder of your “I’m going to be alone forever” status. And even when you’re in a relationship, the pressure to have a ridiculously romantic evening can seem more stressful than fun. And that’s not even going into the somewhat dark origins of Valentine's Day . . .
Still, Valentine’s Day has always been one of my favorite holidays. Even when I was single (and let me tell you, I was pretty consistently single for most of my adulthood), I would treat myself to flowers and dark chocolate, take long and luxurious baths, and practice gratitude for all the ways love already showed up in my life.
LOVE in all its forms is an expression of divinity we can all use more of. And SENSUAL PLEASURE is one my favorite perks for coming into a human body. For me, Valentine’s Day is both a reminder and an excuse to fully indulge in some love-and-libido-centric alchemy.
Whether you’re looking forward to an evening with your honey or feel suuuper single right now, intentionally tending to your own sensuality and heart helps shift your vibration so you can experience and attract more love and pleasure into your life.
Read on for a sensual self-care ritual and some easy DIY aphrodisiac recipes . . .
sacred Self care Ritual for valentine’s day
I love to spend a few hours dedicated to sensual self care on Valentine’s Day, but I know that taking this much time out of your day isn’t always an option. As always, pick and choose the parts of this ritual that resonate, and feel free to drop or change anything that doesn’t :)
Part 1: Movement
Sensuality is all about being in your body, and what better way to get in touch with your physical body than through movement? There’s no wrong way to do this part - go with what feels right to you. A few of my favorite ideas:
Dance — Whether you’re going old school romantic with some Marvin Gaye or D’Angelo or rocking out to your favorite dance tracks, take some time to feel the joy of being in a body that can groove.
Yoga — Try a heart-opening or hip-opening sequence depending on your mood ;) Or check out this one-hour yin yoga for libido session.
Workout — Get your heart pumping however you want. You’ll sweat out toxins, boost serotonin, and feel extra confident, which is essential for showing up with your full, embodied, sensual self.
Part 2: A Ritual Bath
I love to treat myself to full at-home spa sessions for special occasions. When you really take the time for this type of sacred indulgence, you send yourself the message that you’re worthy of pleasure and love—especially self-love. Incorporate some aphrodisiac ingredients and you’ll be ready for whatever the night brings ;)
My self care spa session involves a ritual bath, a full facial, and a short meditation. Here are some basic instructions for a ritual bath . . .
10 Steps for a Perfect Ritual Bath
Step 1 — Put on music to enhance whatever mood you want to create
Step 2 — Run a hot bath. Turn on the water as hot as it will go and seal your bathroom. This creates a nice steamy atmosphere. The water will cool while you complete the other steps, and you can add some cold water right when you get in, if needed.
Tip — The spirit of water is alive and powerful. Give thanks to the spirit of water as you run your bath and ask it to support you in whatever intentions you hold--cleanse and release blocks to love, for example, or receive a blessing from the divine feminine.
Step 3 — Add bath salts. I like a cup each of sea salt and Epsom salt. If you’re using an herbal sachet or milk bath, now is a good time to add that, too.
Step 4 — Select crystals and flowers to adorn your bath. Add crystals to both the water and decorate whatever surface areas are available. Fresh flowers and petals are wonderful to float in the water, though dried are lovely as well.
Tip — Add a touch of luxury with a bath pillow and bamboo tray. I have this pillow and this tray.
Step 5 — Light candles. You obviously need candles.
Step 6 — Prepare your beverage of choice—an infusion of aphrodisiac herbs, a glass of your favorite wine, or sparkling water with bitters and berries.
Tip — Remember to also have a giant glass of water nearby and DRINK THE ENTIRE GLASS during your bath. You will be hot and sweating in this bath, and I don’t want anyone getting dizzy or passing out.
Step 7 — Add essential oils, along with flower and crystal essences. Essential oils are very volatile, so in order to receive the most benefit from them, it’s best to add them right before you get in. Since they don’t dissolve in water, you’ll want to mix them into a bit of oil, milk (coconut milk is great), or more bath salts before you add them--otherwise they’ll float in blobs and potentially burn your skin. For real.
Tip — Use about 6 drops of essential oils per bath. A list of aphrodisiac essential oils follows ;)
Step 8 — Dry brush. Start from your extremities and work your way towards your heart. Dry brushing exfoliates your skin and encourages lymph flow, so if you have a brush and the time, this is a great addition to a spa session.
Step 9 — Enjoy that bath. Grab your favorite book and beverage, make sure your music is still going, and relax. Meditate and ask for a blessing from sex-love-romance deity such as Aphrodite, Bastet, Oshun, or Freya. Let your mind drift, treat yourself to a body scrub, and allow gratitude to infuse your every cell.
Tip — Shallow tub? Soak a washcloth in the hot water and place it on your chest.
Step 10 — When you’re ready, drain the bathtub, wash your hair, and move on to whatever body oils, facial materials, and other self care you have planned.
Part 3: A Love Note
For the final part of my Valentine’s Day ritual, I like to draw a card to receive a message about love in my life. Get your favorite deck, center yourself, and ask, “What message would be most beneficial for me to receive regarding . . .
Creating more romance in my life
Calling in the perfect partner for me
My love life in general
How I can express more love in my everyday life
My current relationship
How I can increase self-love
A loving note from the universe
Or wisdom from the goddess you connected with during your bath
Allow this message to fully absorb into your being, and enjoy the rest of your Valentine’s Day.
Aphrodisiacs for Ritual Love
Aphrodisiacs, named for one of my patron goddesses, the great Aphrodite, enhance sexual desire and pleasure. Some work by helping us relax, while others rev us up. The following are just a few of the many aphrodisiacs you might like to incorporate into your Valentine’s Day ritual.
Aphrodite by Briton Rivière, 1902
Crystals
Place some crystals in your bath water to absorb their essences. Place the rest around the ledges of your bath and on your bath tray. You can also add crystal essences directly to your bath water.
Rose Quartz — to open your heart and enhance feelings of love
Garnet — for passion and physical connection
Carnelian — for a healthy sacral chakra and creative expression
Moonstone — for tuning into your natural cycles and enhancing connection and passion
Lapis Lazuli — for enhancing love on a spiritual level
Green Aventurine — for luck in lasting love
Amber — for spontaneous, passionate encounters
Flower Essences
Add 2-3 drops of desired essences to your bath.
All Lilies — for connecting with the divine feminine, healthy sexual energy and expression
Rose — for romantic love and an open heart
Basil — to integrate sexual and spiritual energy
Bleeding Heart — to feel unconditional love
Hibiscus — to enhance sexuality and connection with the body
Pomegranate — for joyful feminine expression
Essential Oils
Add about 6 drops of essential oils to either a bit of oil or bath salts first, and add this blend to your bath once it’s fully run.
Floral essential oils open us to love on spiritual levels and enhance romantic, sexy moods. Warming and spicy essential oils can increase circulation and energy. And citrus scents add joy, ease, and playfulness.
Rose — enhances love and supports a balanced loving heart
Jasmine and Ylang Ylang— seductive, sexy flowers with a special affinity for the sacral chakra
Patchouli — this earthy, musky scent grounds us into our sensual natures
Black Pepper, Ginger, Cardamom, and Coriander — these spices can help spice up your sex life
Sweet Orange — adds some playful joy
Myrtle — sacred to Aphrodite, myrtle enhances true love and increases physical pleasure
Lavender — melt away tension
Sandalwood — has an affinity for the sexual centers
Vanilla — warm, playful, and edible
These scents all go together beautifully—feel free to mix and match anything from this list to create a Ritual Bath that’s just right for you. Or, try one of the following blends…
Aromatherapy Recipes for Aphrodesiacs
An Erotic Blend — 2 drops jasmine, 2 drops ylang ylang, 2 drops sweet orange
A Sensual Blend — 2 drops rose, 3 drops patchouli, 1 drop ginger
A Loving Heart Blend — 1 drop rose, 3 drops lavender, 2 drops bergamot
A Balancing Blend — 3 drops lavender, 3 drops geranium
A Spicy Blend — 2 drops cardamom, 1 drop vanilla, 1 drop rose, 1 drop patchouli
A Stress Relief Blend — 3 drops grapefruit, 2 drops ginger, 1 drop ylang ylang
Bonus
Make a sensual body oil to go with your bath.
Add 6 drops of your essential oil blend to 1oz (about 6 tsp) carrier oil. Good carrier oils for a massage oil are jojoba, sweet almond, and apricot kernel. But just about anything in your kitchen will work—no doubt the Greek Goddess Aphrodite anointed herself with good old olive oil ;)
